LOS ANGELES, CA. In one of the most innovative and effective cost cutting measures ever seen, the Los Angeles School Board has decided to eliminate learning from all district classrooms.

“This truly is a magic bullet,” said LAUSD superintendant Ramon Cortines. “With this decision we’re able to cut literally millions of dollars in teacher salaries by removing the need for teachers.”

Additional savings will also be realized as the need for books, supplies and even new classrooms vanishes.

Los Angeles mayor Antonio Villaraigosa who is struggling to balance the city’s budget, beamed at the news. “Learning has long been a divisive factor in our school systems, creating a glaring line between those who ‘know things’ and those who ‘don’t know things’. I’m very excited by this move.”

Students were positive about the changes, saying it would relieve huge pressure to achieve and succeed on tests, projects and of course the dreaded standardized testing.

Education guru Sir Ken Robinson who now resides in Los Angeles was a critic of the measure. “How will America compete on a global stage if we’re not teaching the students anything?” Superintendant Cortines responded, saying, “A, we simply can’t afford the luxry of ‘learning’ anymore, and B, we WILL be competitive on the world stage, but now just in kick ball.”

Advertising isn’t bad.

“Apples for sale! $2″

That’s advertising.

Marketing is the problem.

“Haven’t been laid in a while? Maybe it’s because you’re not eating enough apples?”

Capitalism is supposed to be supply and demand. Things get fucked when marketing enters the picture and we get artificial ‘needs’. We saw this on a grand scale with the US auto industry. Unlike Japan, where Honda made the number of cars they knew they could sell, GM and the others made as many cars as they could then worried after the fact how to con, cajole and coerce people into buying them. Didn’t really last did it.

I’m looking at a box right now. It’s a box for a pair of shoes I bought from Zappos. The box says, “100% Hybrid”. Huh. So, in essence it means the shoes are 100% made from 2 or more things. It doesn’t even make any sense, like a great deal of marketing, simply little word turds, thrown out there like so many shiny objects.

“Free with price of admission!”

OK, I’ll buy it, IF you Mr. Marketer admit you’re an idiot.

I’m sitting down to play piano. No, you said you were going to go through your phone’s voice recordings? Right. OK. 15 minutes of music only. I’ll set a timer. Don’t have a time. Need to get a timer. Get on the net, find a timer. Whoa, I was trying to get to tucows.com and entered twocows.com and those two ARE cows but we are not on a dairy farm. And now I’m writing about not writing. But I’m going to post it, so now I’m blogging. And having some sort of Matrix like self realization that the circle has come full.

OK, returning to task 1. Listen to voice recordings.

Just ONE song.

Bigger Than

“Every day you think you’ve got it made
Had it made
Just for you and only…
Every time you think you’ve saved your face
Out of grace
And now the joke is on you.

Twice alone has seemed to leave you dry
I still try
When it all crumbles to the ground
Even then I want to pick it up
Pack it up
Then I’ll be on my marry way
And I say…

That I can be bigger than
I can be bigger than before.
History to me is, coming soon
Clouds of doom
Will soon be heading for your door
Seems to me we’ve got to
Find the tune
Change it soon
At least it’s something to try for.

Cuz I can be bigger than
I can be stronger than
I can be rich again
I won’t be this dumb next time
I can be free again
I can be me again

Either she’ll love me or won’t
She’ll miss me or she won’t
I’m not afraid to say
I don’t think it’s working anymore
Tonight, I know that
You know something’s wrong
And it feels a lot like death.”

we keep forgetting to make ice
(it’s been years now)
the cricket behind the fridge
was actually ten crickets
The white plaster spot,
that I fixed
where I punched the door
still isn’t painted
and now seems an integral
part of the kitchen
And the hum of the computer fan
can’t even drown out its own futility

and she sleeps

unaware of all its all-ness
and all its nothingness

sleeps
and perhaps
dreams

Who’d have believed it
We’d be staring at this day?
Who’d have believe it
Our love did fade away.
Now we must leave it
And go our separate ways.

Who’d have believed it
It would ever get this low?
Who’d have believed it
It’s happening so slow
Now we must see that
There’s no way we could know

Cuz I don’t know
How to get back what we had
And I don’t know
When it went from good to bad
And I don’t know
If it even makes me sad,
Anymore

Who’d have believed it
We could let it get this far?
Who’d have believed it
We lost our lucky star
Now we must see that
We’ll always have the scar.

Cuz I don’t know
How to get back what we had
And I don’t know
When it went from good to bad
And I don’t know
If it even makes me sad,
Anymore

I don’t know
I don’t know
I don’t know

This week the Democratically controlled California Senate banned smoking at state parks and beaches. Within hours, Republican lawmakers were shouting how this was “yet another attempt by government to dictate how we should live our lives”.

Really.

Huh. So, telling people they can’t smoke is ‘controlling’, whereas telling people they can’t (for example) marry who they please, or, have total control over their body’s reproductive system is.. what? What the fuck IS IT?

The blind hypocrisy is stunning, but I’m willing to make a proposal: I suggest we allow smoking at the beach, parks, wherever. Hell, I’ll even reload the cigarette vending machines myself. In exchange, the controlling, fear mongering conservatives need to back off, shut up, take a look in the mirror and try to realize, they are on the loosing side. Once the flip has been switched ON, it can’t be un switched.

Here’s to better days and brighter minds.

Peace

Let’s kill the ordinary
Let’s take its life away
Let’s leave the bored and frightened
Who needs them anyway?

There are no more conventions
There are no rules to bend
It’s only our intentions
Tell me what you intend…

When you find
That time is an illusion
When you find
You made your own confusion
When you find
That everyone’s conclusion is concluded all alone.

Let’s drown the old familiar.
Let’s pull the common thread
Let’s drain the stagnant water
That’s bottled in our head
Let’s fight the fear inside us
Let’s put the guilt aside
Let’s let the night endear us
The universe is wide

When you find
That time is an illusion
When you find
You made your own confusion
When you find
That everyone’s conclusion is concluded all alone.

Let’s put the pain behind us
Let’s take another chance
Let’s let the rain remind us
Our hearts were meant to dance
Let’s follow every instinct
Let’s honor every day
Let’s let it all just happen
We have to anyway

When we find
That time was an illusion
When we find
We don’t need the confusion
When we find
Our beautiful conclusion
Will, conclude with only you
Only you.

Let’s kill the ordinary.

OK, I’m creating a little art project and I need your help.

If you have one, please let me know what your FAVORITE TWEET OF MINE is. By doing this you’ll automatically be entered for a chance to win INvaluable merchandise, not to mention the deep satisfaction you’ll have in contributing to the arts.

On March 31st, I’ll pick 3 lucky winners who will receive a T-shirt, with their select tweet on it – PLUS, an advance copy of “That’s What I Said”. A book, by me, with funny stuff in it, with other funny stuff in it.

If you don’t have a favorite, but want to play along, check out the following to see if something tickles you.

http://favstar.fm/users/thebenbrooks

http://twitter.com/thebenbrooks

Thanks for helping, I truly appreciate it! Peace

Send your favorite to ben@thebenbrooks.net, OR, just leave a reply with who you are!

I’m driving along Santa Monica Blvd. with my 2 1/2 year old “T” behind me in her car seat.

At the intersection ahead, this lady pulls a spectacular bonehead move and nearly kills several drivers and a pedestrian. Impulsively, I shout out:

“Stupid bitch!”

(Oops.)

T continues to look quietly out the window at the traffic – sipping her bottle.

One block.

Two blocks.

Three blocks…

Phew! I’ve dodged the bullet. Then – suddenly, a little voice says:

“Tupid Bitch!”

(shit)

I don’t miss a beat:

“Super beach! We should go to a super beach today! Big waves, nice sand.. a really, really super beach!”

T says,

“Super beach.”

Yes! Yes! Super beach! T smiles, goes back to her bottle and watching the world go by. Nice Ben – great cover. “Super beach”. She’ll never know the..

“Tupid Bitch.”

Goddamn. Little ears, BIG brain.

Well, it’s been a long time coming, but I’ve finally launched a website. Now that I have, it’s a great time to ask, “Ben, why the hell did you launch a website?”

(Thanks for asking.)

This website will be the place where I push beyond the 140 character confines of Twitter, where I show off my scintillating comic skills, where I serenade you with my music and where I beg you to buy a t-shirt. Or four.

Ultimately, thebenbrooks.net will be my digital 1 man show. I hope you have fun and if you don’t, I’ll see ya on Facebook.

Peace